Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Sentence 4

Her sentence:
Mfumbe was in the line, the top of his head ablaze, his eyes fixed blankly ahead.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
The modifying phrases following the independent clause help complete the sentence by adding the information needed to know about Mfumbe's torturous situation and empty feelings. The phrases add more meaning to the significance of the line where he stands.
My sentence:
The cat was under the car, the hair on her back erect, her claws protruded defensively ahead.

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