Sunday, October 4, 2009

Sentence 11

Their sentence:
Sure, they were nice-looking--interesting actually, with their crescent moon outlines, and their uniforms that looked more like runway designs than school clothes--but they didn't have the glossy, inhumanly attractive light that radiated from inside each of the adult vampyres.
from Marked by P.C. & Kristin Cast

Set apart with dashes, the descriptive phrase describing how nice-looking the young vampyres are--which also signals a subconscious break in thought--further heightens the unique beauty of the adult vampyres compared to that of the already amazing-looking young.

My sentence:
Yeah, we were smart--advanced actually, with our Pre-AP classes, and our calculators that looked more like huge computers than simple machines--but we didn't have the annoying, terribly repulsive arrogance that glowed from within each of the older students.

No comments: