Her sentence:
Kayla couldn't help but think that she probably ate like a...bird.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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In the sentence, Kayla's observation of a girl collides with realization of her possible identity--set apart from the rest of the sentence by a series of periods--as she remembers information revealed earlier in the book.
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My sentence:
I couldn't help but notice that she seemingly ran like a...robot.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Sentence 6
Her sentence:
Yes, I am down about a lot of things: I miss Kayla; I'm banged out about what's happening with David Young; I feel weak from the beating I took; and having this bar code on my wrist drives me into a murderous rage sometimes.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The independent clauses separated by semi-colons following the colon further explain the different "things" that are bringing the character down.
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My sentence:
Indeed, she is happy with everything in life: She loves everyone; She's excited about her relationship with Charles; She looks toned from the workouts she attended; and obtaining the looks of her mom transforms her into an undeniable beauty somehow.
Yes, I am down about a lot of things: I miss Kayla; I'm banged out about what's happening with David Young; I feel weak from the beating I took; and having this bar code on my wrist drives me into a murderous rage sometimes.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
_
The independent clauses separated by semi-colons following the colon further explain the different "things" that are bringing the character down.
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My sentence:
Indeed, she is happy with everything in life: She loves everyone; She's excited about her relationship with Charles; She looks toned from the workouts she attended; and obtaining the looks of her mom transforms her into an undeniable beauty somehow.
Sentence 5
Her sentence:
The phoenix--the bird that is burned to ashes but rises to live again.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The fragment emphasizes a thought of realization while also bringing into perspective the significance of the phoenix with the appositive phrase.
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My sentence:
Spanish--the subject that is hated by most but comes into relevance often.
The phoenix--the bird that is burned to ashes but rises to live again.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The fragment emphasizes a thought of realization while also bringing into perspective the significance of the phoenix with the appositive phrase.
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My sentence:
Spanish--the subject that is hated by most but comes into relevance often.
Sentence 4
Her sentence:
Mfumbe was in the line, the top of his head ablaze, his eyes fixed blankly ahead.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The modifying phrases following the independent clause help complete the sentence by adding the information needed to know about Mfumbe's torturous situation and empty feelings. The phrases add more meaning to the significance of the line where he stands.
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My sentence:
The cat was under the car, the hair on her back erect, her claws protruded defensively ahead.
Mfumbe was in the line, the top of his head ablaze, his eyes fixed blankly ahead.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The modifying phrases following the independent clause help complete the sentence by adding the information needed to know about Mfumbe's torturous situation and empty feelings. The phrases add more meaning to the significance of the line where he stands.
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My sentence:
The cat was under the car, the hair on her back erect, her claws protruded defensively ahead.
Sentence 3
Her sentence:
You were pumped with adrenaline; now you're feeling the letdown.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The two independent clauses are balanced against each other with the use of a semi-colon. The semi-colon also indicates the contrast between the sentence stating the character's initial feeling and the sentence stating the character's current feeling.
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My sentence:
Pioneers were excited about the win; today they're fighting the soreness.
You were pumped with adrenaline; now you're feeling the letdown.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The two independent clauses are balanced against each other with the use of a semi-colon. The semi-colon also indicates the contrast between the sentence stating the character's initial feeling and the sentence stating the character's current feeling.
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My sentence:
Pioneers were excited about the win; today they're fighting the soreness.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
Sentence 2
Her Sentence:
The one who will not be caged.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The incomplete structure of this fragment expresses her thoughts about the person she is, although she does not know for a fact her complete identity and fate as she would like to think she does. Despite her determination for freedom, her passive voice in the sentence shows that she is in a society where, as much as she does not want to admit it, she is helpless and under their control.
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My sentence:
A boxer who can not be fought.
The one who will not be caged.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The incomplete structure of this fragment expresses her thoughts about the person she is, although she does not know for a fact her complete identity and fate as she would like to think she does. Despite her determination for freedom, her passive voice in the sentence shows that she is in a society where, as much as she does not want to admit it, she is helpless and under their control.
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My sentence:
A boxer who can not be fought.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Sentence 1
Her sentence:
Hastily, she tosses out old clothes, a sketch pad, charcoal pencils, anything she can't sell.
from The Bar Code Rebellion by Suzanne Weyn
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The use of asyndeton further expresses her haste in throwing items out of the bag in the urgency to find an item that will be useful to her. She has no time to waste, and the sentence reflects that by not wasting the time to put a conjunction.
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My sentence:
Quickly, he grabs onto his children, his wife, his dog, whatever he can save.
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